My 50 Day Q&A with God…Part 2

This Blog is a continuation of my “My 50 day Q&A with God…Part 1” blog link here….

So far, I’ve kind of talked about why I chose to take these 50 days to intentionally set aside in order to study certain topics, discuss those things with the Lord and what some of those questions I started each day with were.  In this follow up, I’m going to talk about what I specifically did different for those 50 days, what I am taking away from this season and why I think its important for every believer to not be afraid of asking questions.

What “rules” did you set to make this different than any other 50 days?

In January the Lord really spoke to me about this year being a year of creating good habits through discipline in order to lay a solid foundation for my future, so coming into this I knew I wanted to be disciplined and create some “rules” so to speak so I wouldn’t get too far off track from my goal in the whole thing which was ultimately just to allow a ton of room for God to speak to me about his truths and let go of the false truths I’ve consciously or unconsciously picked up while growing up as a white American with no real experience in extreme poverty or racism or child labor etc…

Some of those rules were:

Drink nothing other than water

Try to meal plan as much as possible, to free up time during my day to read/listen to podcasts

Don’t get on any social media (I broke this for 3 days halfway through to post a video from our time in the village for our supporters)

Stick to less than 1600 cal. so as not to be indulgent in food which I’ve tended to make an excuse to waste time or focus my time deciding on in the past

Run every day for at least 30 minutes (for whatever reason this is where most of my dreaming for the future occurs and where I can think super clearly)

Not to discuss any of the topics with anyone other than God during these 50 days….as an extrovert and external processor, this was the hardest rule to follow for sure

There were a few times I messed up and didn’t run a day or didn’t track my food well etc but when I messed up I just gave my shortcomings to God and asked for his help in getting back on track for the next day.  I think the forgiveness aspect and ‘get back up’ mentality was important because it kept me from quitting half way through when things were getting repetitive.

What did the “studying” part look like?

I work a normal day when I’m in Hyderabad, so most of my studying was done early morning and then in the evening after work.

The sources I got my reading or podcasts from largely depended on the topic that day but one source was always scripture. In addition to that, I tried to study from a variety of perspectives, across the potential “positions” spectrum.

For example, when I came to the topic about poverty and the Christian’s involvement in combating world poverty I read chapters from a well known secular Economic text book written in the 1940s, reread a more recent book, which encouraged long-term support of the local churches in impoverished nations rather than short-term, first hand involvement. I also reflected on my own experiences of being a short term missionary interacting with poverty around the world, looked back at my notes from CGA when we went through a video course on poverty for a week, listened to an hour long Christian podcast on suffering in third world countries, read from the books of Matthew and Psalm and then I prayed, had a period of silence to just hear from the Lord and wrote in my journal. Praying, was the most important part to me because I would ask God to help me see how I would want to be loved if I were the one that was in that position.

In this particular case, my prayer was like this:

God, help me to able to empathize with those living without food. without family. without education, or hope for a future on this earth.  Help me to identify with my brothers and sisters around the world that live in a poverty I have never known personally by giving me the ability to pray in deep heart connection with them and for them now. In the future, when I hear stories of suffering people, remind me that I was once lost, I was also without hope and a future and then you came and saved me through your perfect son… Help me to never be judgmental of another’s situation or assume the steps which led them there but instead allow me to feel their hurt with them, to cry with them, to dream with them and to be able to love them as if their present situation was my own. Give this world the ability to see your healing power, your abundance and blessings in a real way Jesus.  Pour out on every child and woman and man living in physical or spiritual poverty now what we never deserved but you so willingly have bought for us and given to us as a free gift of grace, a chance to be called a son and daughter of yours.

 

Cute Kid Picture Break!

 

Finding Peace with Not Knowing

In order to really focus on these issues and do my best to discover what God says instead of what man says, I had to separate myself from myself in a sense. I’m not saying I did this perfectly, as I don’t believe anyone can ever be completely approach learning a topic unbiasedly but I first just came into it with the realization that I would try my best to have an open mind.  As I struggled to do this, and caught myself responding to hot topics in judgment or fear, I was able to identify things that I still needed to “unlearn” before going deeper.  Those things only grew more apparent as I discovered more truth, so sometimes I spent 2 days on a topic or revisited a topic later in the week while I prayed and let go of judgments, offense or a bad attitude, etc.

This entire month and a half was very freeing for me. I really am walking away with a peace in not having all the answers and in knowing that over time, my mind will inevitably change on issues based on my experiences and maturity. I definitely have this competitive side of me, which has given often left me in this “I have to have it together, I have to know this” mentality but this season of abiding in God has helped me to feel free from that completely. Praise! 

Part of stepping into that freedom initially came when a friend and very wise woman, Lisa Black, told me “Girl…take a deep breathe…you don’t know what ya don’t’ know ‘til you know it” haha.  Its simple, but true.  When we don’t know things or are confused about how to handle situations, we have to not only know that God extends grace for us in our mistakes, but we have to also be willing to receive that grace on our end…it’s a gift, not a mandate. I’m still learning how to do that, how to be ok with making mistakes and forgiving myself for making them.

I’m also learning that His ways are higher than our ways, so no matter how much we study or how many podcasts we listen to we will never fully understand everything, the secret things belong to God just as it says in Deut 29:29 “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law” ….and there’s beauty in that.   Mystery, that we are invited into through personal relationship with Jesus creates trust and something uniquely connecting you and God that no one else can interfere with.  Once I began to see the beauty in that, I picked up a peace I’ve never known before…and It feels good friends, having peace with not knowing but still choosing to trust, is awesome! 

 

 What did you take away?

At the root of everything I learned was the importance of loving your neighbor.  The thing that God kept pointing me back to were the two greatest commandments, Love God and Love People.  Once I realized how deeply I wanted to love people better than I have been and believed in my heart that I was created and designed to carry out these two things, I was much more open to letting go of ideas that had roots to legalism and embrace the love that I always knew I was created to extend toward others.

I am also taking away a solid lesson in learning that everyone has a role to play for advocating for the hurting, lost, poor, marginalized and caste out.  It may at times seem like one person can’t make a difference in the world, but God makes covenants with peoples, not just individuals, and as we love one another and fight for one another and chose one another we are solidifying the bond between us as brothers and sisters, we are unifying the body of Christ. 

 Would you recommend this for other people?

 Absolutely! It probably won’t look the same for everyone, since we all have differing levels of responsibility and free time.   I realize that having 6 hours every day to read or listen to podcasts probably just isn’t that practical for a parent with a two year old haha but yeah…I think diving into conversation with God directly and figuring out stuff with him in your own timing is life changing and freeing and beautiful.  

For those of you that are worried about questioning God for fear of losing your faith in him…I’d say not to let that fear stop you from seeking truth. After all, if truth is really truth won’t it always lead you closer to the one that is true?  Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life, no one can get to the Father but by me”…so I don’t’ think Jesus has a problem at all with us seeking him and his truth, in fact this scripture say that the only true way to God is through Jesus so I say go for it, ask him all the questions and let him speak to you in return.

Be warned though that seeking truth my indeed lead you away from religion for religiousness sake and legalism, but hanging on to judgements for fear that the truth will change your political stance or social outlook is no reason to stay away from truth, only a reason for living a false self…which is lame. Truth is way better. 

Final Remarks

A large motivation for coming into these 50 days was because I knew that the God I am so in love with was much too big and for the box I had kept him in in the past and wanted to let him out of that box finally…if you feel similarly, I’d totally encourage you to let God show you how much more grandeur he is than a box. Even if your box is comfortable, and fun and full of “doing” Christian things, it’s still a box…and God offers us so much more! Our inheritance is vast and beautiful! Doing this though doesn’t have to look like 50 days of podcasts and books…it could be regular conversation through art or worship or walking or holding your baby! Really whatever will create space for God to speak to your heart. 

I’m definitely walking away with a desire to continue to talk to God about topics before taking stances on them out of pride or gut reaction…I feel much more free in who I am and how I can move forward as a daughter of the King, created to love the people he has placed here to live life alongside.  

Based on these last 3 years and these past 50 days, I definitely feel 100% like it’s a great thing to figure out what’s important to you, what you believe on hot topics and how you can influence the world through a better understanding of how to love people well. 

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

-Matthew 22: 37-40 (The Message Version)

Thanks for following this journey with me, friends!  Enjoy your Weekend!